Not sure if I shared this with you guys last year. My thoughts on that day as I wrote them on my web journal:
I had to at least note my feelings, as if casting my pebble in this huge pond of public opinion and unending forums would assuage my spirits. So as downtown L.A. has been virtually closed down,
The truth is, I went about my work day like everyone else, doing my job and robotically and methodically doing the things I do, and when it was winding down, I tried to live a normal day in a specific point in time, going on about my routines, until it was obvious we could do none of the sort.
And it’s at times like this, when Wendy was emailing her friends in New York to see if they were ok, and the earthlink servers were overloaded, bumping us off several times, (man we were still using dial up back then!) and when she left to go to her regularly scheduled church service that I feel the need for others, and I feel insignificant and small.
The same way I felt during other tragedies, like the 1994 Northridge earthquake, being a part of it, and at the same time being concurrently overwhelmed by events, and being removed from them unlike the service people and newspeople and firemen who become critical to others at this time. I have been entertaining reading PSALM 23, even though I don’t believe in the Bible, I at least believe in the spirit of what it tries to do, the way Scully is catholic and devout to her faith, shouldn’t that be enough?
But I turned off in disguist the sensationalism and the over bearance of the Sam Donaldsons and Tom Brokaws of the world instead looking for some sort of equanimity in the brotherhood of men by reading “Unholy Sonnets” by Mark Jarman which are only called that by aiming to avoid piety and testing the limits and conventions of the sonnet form without assumptions about faith or shared beliefs.
But I will pray tonight for all those people. Maybe I’ll take a day off from work tomorrow- Sept 11 2001